Hi, my name is Judy, and I suffer from anxiety.
I remember when I was really young, maybe 7 or 8 years old, having a weird dizzy feeling, on occasion if I were in a really busy place, like Christmas shopping with my parents. They became more frequent after my Mom passed away. When I was forced to see a therapist, I remember sitting there, staring at a painting on the wall that was of a window, because it was a windowless room, just staring at it. I’d feel dizzy, and I would get tunnel-vision. I wasn’t overly concerned about passing out, because I knew that if I did, it would get me out of having to talk to a stranger that I didn’t like about something that I didn’t want to talk about.
They passed until I was a senior in high school. For some reason, they were a frequent occurrence in my english class, so much so that I had permission from the teacher and principal to leave class as I needed.
In college they weren’t too bad, but they made an appearance again after I’d moved to Florida.
Lately I think I’ve noticed a hormonal connection. I’m not on medication, because for the most part, I am able to deal with them quite well. Normally, when I feel an anxiety attack building, I am able to pinpoint the cause, or realize it’s hormonal and talk myself down, not to mention that it’s not really all that frequent anymore.
It does suck though when I get hit with a particularly bad spell, and I’m in a near-constant state of full blown panic attacks, and I am unable to pull myself out. I feel like I’m in such a deep dark pit, and it feels never ending. I try to rationalize, and I try to convince myself that it will end, but I can’t seem to stop the anxiety. It brings such a sense of doom, and hopelessness. When it gets bad, the depression that accompanies it horrible.
I get so shaky, and nervous. My heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest. I get very irritable as I try to handle it. I get dizzy as blackness swims before my eyes and I fear it will never end.
I do reach a point of considering going to see a doctor, but that’s usually when it lifts. I just really hate the side effects of medications, I have been on a number of them before, and actually, my seizure medication is supposed to help with this also, so I don’t know why it still happens from time to time.
Why am I sharing this? I have no idea. Maybe other moms can relate. Maybe someone else will read this and realize that they’re not alone, and they aren’t going crazy. Anxiety and depression are a horrible combination. If you are suffering with either one, or both, know that you are not alone.