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A Mommy Confession

I am thrilled that Bam had a good Christmas this year.  Something happened last year that made his Christmas horrible and made me feel like the worst mother ever.  It was a first for me, and I was literally sick over it.
Every year, it’s become tradition for Hubby and myself to sleep near the tree.  Usually we are joined at some point by kids.  Last year I had an almost 2 month old, so I blew up the air mattress and Bam and I slept on that together.  We woke in the morning when the older two came barreling down the stairs.
We’d gone to Christmas dinner at MIL’s house,  and returned home late.  It had been a long day.  Hubby had to go to work as soon as we got home.  I was exhausted and just planned on crashing out on the air mattress as soon as I could.  I placed Bam in his Boppy on the air mattress while the older kids played with all their new toys in the family room.  I hurried upstairs to throw on a pair of jammies when I heard the baby’s pain scream.  I hurried down the stairs, past the older two who continued to play and into the living room.  The baby was nowhere to be seen.  His Boppy was empty.
I was momentarily baffled.  He continued crying and I suddenly saw a tiny foot pop up on the other side of the air mattress.  My baby fell off the bed.  I ran over and scooped him up in a complete panic.
Hubby had taken my van (with the car seat) to work.  And for some reason I don’t even have keys to his car.
I called hubby.  I’ll admit that I wished he could have come home, even though I knew he couldn’t.  I was so scared.  I’d never had this happen before.  Hubby couldn’t come home.  MIL lives about 30 minutes away, and my parents are even further.
So of course my Bambino chosen when I am alone to realize that if he puts his foot up against the strap in the middle he can push and give himself a little boost… right out of the Boppy… right off the bed.  Thankfully it was just the air bed, and not even an elevated air bed, so it was just 4-6 inches off the floor, but it was still pretty darned scary.
I kept checking his pupils.  I nursed him and panicked every single time he spit up after.  Yes, he had reflux and wasn’t on medication at that time, so he did spit up after each feeding, but mommy panic had me wondering if it was a head injury!!!
I briefly debated walking to the hospital with all three kids, but realized the absurdity.  It’s probably 10-15 miles and it was super cold and raining.
Speed passed out in a pile of new toys, and I let GG stay up to help me.  She watched the baby while I ran to the bathroom.  She got me water and anything else I needed.  She also slept downstairs with me just in case I needed her.  I also let her stay up supremely late.  It was nice to have the company in my guilt-ridden panicked state.
I kept waking Bam throughout the night, breaking the number one rule of never waking a sleeping Baby.  Of course he’d be angry and cry, and I’d wonder if he was just angry or he was hurt.
It was such a miserable night.
Of course a year later I can look back and giggle.  Obviously, Bam is okay.  Babies fall.  They’re surprisingly resilient.  I didn’t break my baby.

And that, my dear friends is my confession for today!

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